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Old 05-09-2009, 09:59 PM
Pabs Pabs is offline
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Default [2nd] Week 80: Gengetsu Rei

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Gengetsu Rei
(Last, First)


[Spoiler="Rei"][/spoiler]


Age: Died at age 12, spent 20 years in the Soul Society.

Persona: The best term with which to describe Rei would be flighty. The shinigami has a brutally short attention span (which caused him to repeat some years in the academy several times) and can often be found irresponsibly wandering outside the Rukongai, not doing anything at all but walking and thinking. During these wandering periods, Rei enjoys climbing up into high places, like a tree, and sitting and staring up at the sky and the open land around him. One side effect of such a nature is quite unfortunate: Rei is utterly oblivious about what others think of him, and also has rarely more than a shallow first impression of another person. Thus, he has some problems creating close friendships. Indeed, said friendships often depend entirely upon the kindness of the friend, as opposed to Rei's involvement.

Rei is no pessimist. He actually usually has quite a positive outlook on life, but is also powerfully unconfident in himself: he hopes good things will happen, and that things will work out, but doubts that he himself will actually be able to do anything himself. Having next to zero confidence often manifests itself in the form of modesty and lack of initiative.

Rei is a smiling person. His sadness usually takes the form of a sad smile (though he does like to pout), and in the face of pleasant surprises or people, he wears a much brighter grin. As such, he gives off the impression of a very kind and carefree person, which is not a false one. His lack of attention and knowledge of other's feelings can occasionally lead him to make a hurtful comment, but it is never intented to harm; the shinigami is simply frank and honest.

Being shortchanged in confidence and attention led Rei to do poorly in school, but this by no means indicates that he is unintelligent. He loves to think and ponder over typically meaningless things, and sometimes comes to the strangest conclusions, but he has quite the wide array of knowledge. Unfortunately, this knowledge is mostly about worthless things, and isn't of much help to him. In pertaining to the intellect, common sense is where is suffers: he has a tendency to do very stupid things or speak without thinking. Why does he spend so much time thinking about random concepts when he could be monitoring his own actions? Who knows, but it sometimes lands him in nasty situations.

Finally, it should be noted that Rei is terrified by blood, particularly his own, and when very scared, his actions change a little. His eyes have a more blank appearance and he stops smiling, looking more like he's on the verge of tears. This is one of the two times when Rei is more violent, and but he will still attack typically thoughtlessly (though recklessly might be a better word.) The other situation in which he can be violent is when he is awoken. He is a very early riser, so usually no one wakes him up, but when this does happen, he is in a very foul mood.


Physical Stature: Rei looks a bit like he could float away at any moment. He has an almost whispy appearance, and very pale skin. His hair is sandy blond, and in the front comes down almost to his nose (parted so he can always see, of course) and in the back falls to the nape of his neck. He keep his hair clean, but doesn't do anything to alter it's appearance; it doesn't really concern him.

The shinigami's face is childish. Indeed, his entire appearance is practically the same as when he died: 12 years old. Rei has sharp, defined features, that give off an innocent feel (most of the time.) His eyes are curious and inquisitive and are a light, sky blue. When he's happy, they have a kind of twinkle to them, and when he's either really zoned out, or afraid, they are vacant and glassy. On a side note, he utterly lacks the ability to raise just one eyebrow, though he has spent hours at a time attempting to. His eyes are also very sensitive, and he absolutely hates getting anything in them, from water to a piece of dirt.

The scout is very small and light. He is 4'11", shorter than most others in the soul society, and weighs about 100 pounds. Rei is far from muscular and has next to no upper body strength. His shoulders and chest are quite petite, and his arms resemble sticks. On the other hand, his hands are quite strong, and he has a powerful grip with small, thin fingers. Rei is also very flexible which occasionally comes into handy, making up for his physical weakness (well certainly not entirely, but somewhat.)

As a dedicated member (when he's paying attention) of the guard, he prefers the gotei 13 uniform to other clothing, as it is light, and never gets in the way. He wears the regular black gi, with the second division logo on his right arm. Rei also has a tendency to wear a long white scarf, adding to his whispy, windswept appearance. As far as additional ornaments, the shinigami goes without. Jewelry and accesories never interested him.


Biography: Rei grew up in Japan, but obviously has some mixed heritage, accounting for his blue eyes and blond hair. He has been told that his grandfather on his mother's side was from Sweden, and looked just like Rei when he was young, but the shinigami has yet to meet his grandfather in the Rukongai, and doubts he ever will. Rei was close to his family, and was cherished particularly by his mother. Unfortunately, Rei died while very young, and before either of his parents passed away, and he knows that neither are dead yet, but grieve for him nearly everyday. He is upset that he caused problems for his parents, but isn't particularly sad that he died at a young age.

Rei was always ashamed and irritated at the limitations of his body. His right leg was crippled in an automobile accident, and so he was forced to use either crutches or a wheelchair for travel. Rei had a particularly strong desire for freedom after this accident, and thus was pleased to find that in the afterlife he had regained full use of his legs. To this day, it remains the happiest moment of his life (and afterlife) and since then he has always made full use of his legs, running and walking around with abandon.


Division / Seat: 2nd Division



Zanpakutou: There's nothing particularly special about the sealed state of Rei's Zanpakutou. It is a typical steel blade, though the length of a wakizashi instead of a katana. The guard is circular, and the hilt wrapped in white cloth. There is no inscription on the blade, or marks on the hilt or guard.

The blade is placed in a white scabbard, matching the color of the hilt wrap. Rei wears it at his waist on his left side for easy access and smooth withdrawl. The scabbard also has no markings, and simple metal cap on the end.


Stats:

Reiatsu: 100
Zanjutsu: 20
Hakuda: 10
Hohou: 50
Kidou: 20
Connection: 0



Sample Chapter:

Chapter 1: The Risen Moon

The sky was endless. A long, vast expanse of blue, mixed with fluffy white, and blissful, warm light. Rei lay across one of the upper branches of a tall oak tree, about twenty feet from the ground, with nothing but the top of the leafy canopy, and then the beautiful air above him. This moment was perfect; if only he could reach out and grab it, and hold it, frozen in time, with no responsibilities or matters of importance. But such was not his lot. No, far from it.

Seized with sudden restlessness, the blond haired youth, of tiny stature and the appearance of a twelve year old, began to climb down the tree, hopping from branch to branch, sometimes only barely maintaining his footing. The descent was treacherous, but in a way, almost as wonderful as lax inertness, gazing at the heavens. The swift climb imitated the path of a falling leaf and its slow arching fall to the ground.

So travelled the thoughts of the new shinigami of the second division. Indeed, such a capricious state of mind was not uncommon for him. The gears were turning, but whether or not they actually served any purpose, that is a different question altogether. Perhaps, his time would better be spent thinking about the Gotei 13 and his role in it in the coming years. Perhaps it would be more prudent to ponder the job of the second division, and if he was entirely up for it. Sure, scouting sounded good and fun, but in execution it was probably rather difficult, and with severe consequences if revealed. Rei had far from mastered the art of hiding his spiritual presence, and could only mask it from other academy students and very recent graduates. If he met a more powerful enemy in the field, he would be obviously detectable.

But whether or not he was prepared, he would be forced to take part in the duty of the second division. That's what it meant to graduate from the academy. The very thought seemed to act as a call to action. Without warning, when Rei had only barely reached the bottom of the tree, another shinigami shunpo'ed up beside him. These sudden appearances always startled Rei, and he jumped back a little in surprise. He hadn't intended to flinch, and was sure it hadn't made the best first impression. Trying to remain undaunted, he shook this thought off, and turned to concentrate on the news the man bore for him.

"You're wanted back at the barracks. I believe you are to be sent off somewhere on a patrol of sorts. Details await you."

Having no time to stop and chat, the man dissapeared as quickly as he had come. It appeared he was told to stop and relay the message on the way to bigger and more important matters. The thought sobered the recent graduate up (at least for the time being, before he got distracted again, which was bound to happen sooner or later) and Rei straightened his gi and scabbard before running back in the direction of the walls of the Soul Society.

The distraction came sooner as opposed to later. There was a ruckus of sorts in the Rukongai, and Rei could neither detect the source, nor really cared. He kept running, planning on passing right through. Then, suddenly out of a small gathering of people, a boy, around 18 in appearance, shot towards him... and straight into him. The collision was short and sharp, both of them being sent flying to the ground. With a curse, the other boy rose, and gave him a nasty look: a look of arrogant contempt. A bit frightened, Rei scooted out of the way, and watched in silent awe as the mean spirited boy ran off in the direction he has just arrived from.

The shinigami remained down in the dust for a while, before he noticed people staring, and he hasitly rose and brushed himself clean. What if he had gotten into a fight? Surely against such a cruel person, he wouldn't stand a chance. The guy hadn't even said anything to him! At this point, Rei only had a vague recollection of the other's appearance. He had red hair, and dark, dark eyes, and was wearing the black uniform of the shinigami. Probably a fellow member of the Gotei 13, and one of a black temper to be avoided at all costs.

Only after staring off after his sudden assailant for a long moment did Rei snap back to reality. The barracks. An assignment. Forget about the distraction, move on. And so he did, continuing on his course to his quarters, to recieve whatever instruction he was supposed to.

When he arrived, what he found awaiting him was a bit dissapointing. After running all the way from outside the Rukongai, he had got to thinking that something exciting was in store from him. Maybe it would involve combat (though he would probably do more hiding than fighting) or training with some others from the second, and that his assignment would be given directly by an officer himself, like the captain. None of these imaginings were the case. Instead, there was a letter left by his bedside.

Essentially, it outlined a very simple task: to go down onto earth to a small port town, and report on the small hollow signatures that recently appeared there. Rei was to work together with one other member, and utilize a mask and codename. It was really just practice, but it had some small potential to be exciting. The part that didn't appeal to the shinigami was the hollow part. Rei didn't really like hollows. Actually, they scared him a bit, and he had yet to have many first hand experiences with them, let alone report on their behavior! However, like usual, he planned on just going with the flow: things would turn out like they do, and no differently. That was a fact of life and the afterlife both.

With his zanpakutou at his side, he knelt down at the foot of his bed, and opened his small clothing chest to finish his preparations. He took out a mask and placed it on his face. The mask was black, with a silver streak running down the right edge, like a crescent moon hanging in the midst of the black abyss of space. Though he wouldn't say it out loud, he was secretly very excited about wearing his mask in front of other people, though he would have but one partner. Indeed, the more he thought about it and his assigned task, the happier he became. With a innocent smile on his face, he left the barracks, ready to meet his partner, and go down to earth, underneath the rising moon, and with the moon reflected on his own face.
[WC: 1138]
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  #2  
Old 05-09-2009, 10:16 PM
IshinOnigami IshinOnigami is offline
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post when you have your sample chapter up and we will give you a review.
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  #3  
Old 05-10-2009, 05:35 AM
Pabs Pabs is offline
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Right, sample chapter up, and ready for review. Have no mercy...
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  #4  
Old 05-11-2009, 05:39 PM
ururu_blue ururu_blue is offline
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First thing you'll want to do is to settle upon one of your character's names when you discuss or write about him. If you plan on calling him 'Rei' most of the time, then that is how you should refer to him in the persona, physical stature, and biography sections...in addition to your sample chapter. So please settle on one or the other, Gengetsu or Rei. If someone else calls him by his surname from time to time, that's fine, but you as the narrator need to keep it consistent.
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[spoiler=Small Bits of Wisdom]
Haxr Chisame (3:48:09 AM): i'm not saying piss a rainbow

Haxr Chisame (3:48:17 AM): but you can't shit a stormcloud all the time tiehr


redbeanpanda: you know the thing that makes me sad about Orihime and Ichigo
redbeanpanda: when a girl kisses a sleeping guy, its romantic and loving but like when a guy tries to kiss a sleeping girl, its sexual harrassment and breaking and entering[/spoiler]
  #5  
Old 05-11-2009, 09:09 PM
Pabs Pabs is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ururu_blue View Post
First thing you'll want to do is to settle upon one of your character's names when you discuss or write about him. If you plan on calling him 'Rei' most of the time, then that is how you should refer to him in the persona, physical stature, and biography sections...in addition to your sample chapter. So please settle on one or the other, Gengetsu or Rei. If someone else calls him by his surname from time to time, that's fine, but you as the narrator need to keep it consistent.
Okay, sorry about that. I just tried to switch up the names so it didn't sound as repetitive as profiles tend to do.

Fixed.
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  #6  
Old 05-12-2009, 12:35 PM
King Zeal King Zeal is offline
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Quote:
One side effect of such a nature is quite unfortunate. Rei is utterly oblivious about what others think of him, and also has rarely more than a shallow first impression of another person.
Personally, I think you should have a colon after “unfortunate”, there. Since your first sentence leads directly into the next statement, it only makes sense.


Quote:
but is also powerfully inconfident in himself
I just checked the dictionary and “inconfident” is not a word. “Unconfident” is one, though, and so is “unconfidence”. Please edit that.


Quote:
: Rei grew up in Japan, but obvious has some mixed heritage
I’m sure you mean obvious-ly here. Just make a minor edit, please.


Also, I noticed that in your physical description of your character, you mention his swiftness and ability to jump. Please edit that part out and just let your Hohou stat tell that story. The reason I say this is because the stat does a much better job of letting people know about your overall speed and agility, and if there’s a chance that you might decide to change them at some point if you become dissatisfied with your characters’ development.

Seems kind of petty, I know, but I’d rather just cut the stuff you don’t need.


Other than that, I personally think the app looks fantastic so far. Make the edits I listed above, and we’ll take another look.
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Old 05-12-2009, 09:12 PM
Pabs Pabs is offline
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Thanks, Zeal. I made the edits you suggested. I think I combined the words incompetant and unconfident in my head while writing.

Whatever, it's fixed now, and I made a few more edits, removing some grammer mistakes in the sample chapter.
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  #8  
Old 05-13-2009, 01:02 PM
King Zeal King Zeal is offline
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Okay, now I've got time to go through your app with a fine-tooth comb. And, there are a few things that are nipping at me...

Here's one thing I want you to clear up for me:

Quote:
One side effect of such a nature is quite unfortunate: Rei is utterly oblivious about what others think of him, and also has rarely more than a shallow first impression of another person.
Quote:
Rei is no pessimist. He actually usually has quite a positive outlook on life, but is also powerfully unconfident in himself: he hopes good things will happen, and that things will work out, but doubts that he himself will actually be able to do anything himself. This unconfidence manifests itself in the form of modesty and dependence on others.
I'm having a bit of a hard time wrapping my head around this part, to be honest. Your character is oblivious to what others think of him, but yet, he's dependent?

Can you explain to me how a character like that operates? If he is oblivious to what others think of him, then that means he doesn't often consider their reactions before he acts. If he's dependent, then that would mean that he would require someone's input before he acts. At least, that's what I would think. Maybe you see it differently, but I'd like just a little clarity on that point.

In my opinion, the main problem is that "dependence" is the wrong word choice. Rei doesn't seem dependent at all, in my opinion. Just incompetent (no disrespect intended). He acts without thinking, and hasn't yet learned to act as part of a military organization.

Going over Physical Stature again, I noticed that you began three paragraphs in a row with "the shinigami". There's got to be some other way to refer to Rei. "The daydreamer", "the free-spirit", "the rookie", etc. Just anything to add some variety.


Sample Chapter
Fourth Paragraph, Last Sentence: One heck of a run-on here, what with all of the conjunctions. Start a new sentence somewhere, and fix the word "intended" while you're at it.

Fifth Paragraph: Replace "your" with "you're"

Seventh Paragraph, Third Sentence: Another massive run-on sentence. Again, please break it apart and make it easier to follow.

Eleventh Paragraph, Second Sentence: I'm sure you meant "utilize" here.


Okay, those are all of the problems I could find at the moment. Fix 'em, and you should be well on your way to Approval.
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  #9  
Old 05-14-2009, 02:18 AM
Pabs Pabs is offline
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I see what you mean, but I think a person can be oblivious but dependent. Not dependent on the thoughts of others, but their assistance to actually do things. So yes, essentially, incompetant. No offense taken, either.

I changed it to having less initiative, as Rei feels like he won't actually be able to do anything, and so he sometimes doesn't even try.

Also, the word unconfidence was bothering me a lot. I looked it up, and it doesn't actually exist, so I changed it.


The other edits were all taken into account, and the profile now looks grammatically improved. Anything else aside from grammer, or are there some more spelling/writing mistakes?
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  #10  
Old 05-14-2009, 01:12 PM
King Zeal King Zeal is offline
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Nope. As far as I'm concerned, you're APPROVED for Final Drafts.

Now, let's see if Ruu (Ururublue) feels the same way.
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